How today went...

So eating not so good, exercise good. I ate the rest of B's eggos, 3 small pieces of pizza, and two oreos.  I did rock the elliptical for 45 minutes...thanks to the entertainment of Horrible Bosses.

Hello! And introduction of sorts...

Hello.  This is my first serious attempt at blogging.  My hope is that I can use it as a cost effective alternative to therapy I should probably be getting, ha!  Well, I am an *almost* 30 year old, Midwestern, professional mother and wife.  I have been married to my husband for just over 9 years and have been with him since I was 19 years old. We have always done things the "right way", so to speak... We had a year long engagement, did not live together before marriage (a major issue for my parents), had a traditional wedding, saved for a year and bought a house, established our careers, and waited 5 years to have our first child.  "B" was born two days before my 26th birthday.  My pregnancy was pretty uneventful except for mild gestational diabetes (controlled) and a difficult induction.  B was our perfect baby.  Soon after he was born we discovered that he had a protien intolerance and reflux.  I quickly learned that I would not have the energy for motherhood if I remained as obese as I was - we are talking over 300lbs at 5'3''.  So, when B was a year old, I had lap-band surgery and began losing weight.  B continued to grow but always seemed to be a little more difficult than other babies his age.  I became worried about him when he was about 2.5 yrs due to what appeared to be a language delay.  I did what I should - told our peditrician my concerns and he referred us to a Birth -3 program our county sponsers.  So we started working with a speech therapist from the program.  We worked with her for 7 mos and got nowhere.  She didn't seem concerned, just said that he was delayed and needed preschool.  So we started preschool a couple of months befor B's 3rd birthday.  I was convinced preschool was all B needed...After the first week, the teacher expressed some concerns.  She said that B didn't always respond to his name, try to make eye contact, or focus on appropriate activities.  She suggested that we consider a formal evaluation in the future.  I asked our peditrician if it was possible the B needed to be screened for Autism during a sick visit that summer.  He told be absolutely not and gave me a list of reasons why he was not concerned.  At this point, I had lost over 100lbs but still felt tired and sick.  This was from the stress of worrying about B and dealing with our inability to communicate- we were both frustrated.  To make matters worse, my parents and husband thought I was crazy.  My sis even accused me of trying to get B labeled.  On the drive home for that appointment, I told myself that I was crazy - nothings wrong.  He is just a slow talker and his mood swings/behavior will improve when we can communicate better.  About two weeks later, B was still sick and we had to go back the peditrician.  B was having one of his bad days; he was acting manic, throwing his shoes, throwing tantrums, and I was near my wits end.  That was the day that peditrican did a 180 on me; now he was handing me a referal to KU Med for an Autism evaluation.  I broke down crying on the way home.  My parents and husband kept telling me that he is fine and that the evaluation will just confirm that.  Deep down, I knew that wasn't true.  That was also the day I quit losing weight.  Well, we had to wait almost four months for that damn evaluation.  We were there for only 30 minutes and then were told that B has Autism.  My world crashed.  I spent the next 48 hours reading depressing internet articles about my son's prognosis.  I also learned that Autism services are not covered by my health insurance and since we are middle income we don't qualify for any services.  We were on our own.  I knew I wanted to get B into ABA therapy- it is his best chance for reaching his full potential.  Here's the catch, ABA therapy costs over $100 and hour and it is recommended that kids need atleast 20 hours a week, 40 hour is better.  So we are talking anywhere between $100,000 to $200,000 in therapy a year...yeah, right.  KU Med had diagnosed B as being mild and only needed 10 hrs of ABA a week - so just $50,000 a year.  Still not possible.  We got lucky, B got the last spot in an ABA preschool that is at Kansas University.  It is staffed by KU graduate students studying Autism and ABA.  They only let 5 kids in the program and we caught an opening.  It costs $1000 a month, which we had to make changes to accomadate, but is doable.  B has been attending that school since Sept. 2012. In less than 5 months, B has learned so much.  He is potty trained and using more and more language everyday.  I could fill a whole blog with a list of things he can do now that he couldn't 5 months ago.  Despite his amazing progress, I go to bed almost every night worrying about B's future - will he be "ok" or will he be dependent on us.  My brain tells me to be scared, while my heart tells me that he is a smart boy and it will be fine.  My family and husband choose to not believe that B will be anything but fine.  It is this reason that I started this blog, I need somewhere to express my thoughts and concerns.  I also need the accountability...I have gained back 13 of the lbs I lost.  I have also started smoking ciggaretes alot.  I need to help myself to help B.  So I will use this blog to track my efforts to lose another 50lb or so and quit smoking.  Again, this will be the proverbal couch and any readers will be the quiet therapists that just let me ramble on.  Be warned, I will probably bitch about may many responsibilites and few liberties.  I am B's Super Momma...and I am still fat!